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  • Writer's pictureJen

Monday Memes

DON'T MOVE TO TEXAS, but if you insist on doing so ... know these important rules.

1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

5. Don't tell us how you did it there. Nobody cares.

6. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down - in December.

7. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol...a Super-Duty pickup is.

8. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

9. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but the availability of shade.

10. If you are driving a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road, pull onto the shoulder. This is called "courtesy".

11. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

12. Weddings, funerals, and divorces must take into account the Rodeo & parade schedule.

13. Everything is better with hot sauce or BBQ sauce.

14. DO NOT honk your horn at us. It is obnoxious and we will sit there until we die.

15. We pull over and stop for emergency vehicles to pass.

16. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.

17. "Bless your Heart" is a nice way of saying you're an idiot.

18. No mater what kind - Sprite, Coke, Pepsi, Mtn Dew - it isn't called soda or pop. It is all called coke or soda water!

19. There will always be a tractor on the two lanes when you are running late, so allow time for that.

20. If you don't like the weather, wait 15 minutes, it will change.

21. We respect and consider heroes, first responders, veterans and teachers.

22. The American, Texas, POW and Gadsden flags are considered sacred.

23. The Constitution is sacred ... ALL of it!

24. Unless you're prepared to fight for it, your political opinion might be best kept to yourself.

25. Many of us carry firearms, all of us carry knives.

26. God is sovereign and we PRAY!

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